"Friends remind us of who we truly are..."

In exactly two weeks time I will have already started my journey. Two weeks. 

Two weeks to wrap up my life here in Portland, disown many (most?) of my possessions, say goodbye to loved ones, tie up loose ends, pack my life into a few small pieces of luggage, visit my favorite haunts and take care of all of the business of dramatically changing a life. 

The fact that it's just two weeks blows my mind. It was months and months ago that I first conceived of this journey and months and months ago that the conviction of travel and change struck me. 

I remember it so clearly--perhaps because I knew it would turn out to be one of those prescient lifetime moments that always feels fresh and recent no matter how much time has passed--when the inkling of this whole journey first occurred to me: I was sitting under the covers in my cold room at the "Tweaker Frontier" mustering up the momentum needed to go about my droll day of being an office worker. I had been feeling intense frustration and disappointment at the "greyness" of my life; it was January in Portland, Oregon and I had returned from the sheer happiness of Ghana barely 6 weeks prior. 

In the time between Ghana and "my epiphany" I'd been shocked by how quickly the joy, vivaciousness, openness and exuberance for life has disappeared from my spirit only to be replaced by the aforementioned "greyness." It seemed all was grey: the skies were grey; my office building: grey; the MAX: grey; everyone's' jackets, computers, work bags: grey; my waredrobe: a rainbow of greys. My life not only felt monotonous but it even looked monotone. Everything grey, lifeless, unsatisfying and a stark contrast to the sheer bliss and "aliveness" that I had experienced so effortlessly in Ghana. 

In addition to the grey, my house had been broken into and robbed for the second time in less than six months, I'd had a horrible visit home over the holidays, I could do nothing right in my boss' eyes and any twinkle that my own eyes had all but disappeared. I could go on about how life felt unkind and ugly but I'll leave it at what I've already shared... In short, there was a conflagration of signs and symptoms that things--ahem, my life--simply was not working and I could either be miserable or choose to make a change.

So there I sat in my room cold, uninspired and stressed out about how would I manage to find another home? How would I go about relocating myself and my dog while also trying to revive some energy in my soul while also maintaining my priorities at work and getting through another intense legislative season?!? Yikes.

And then this moment of calm and clarity (AKA "my epiphany") came from some unknown part of my brain. In a nutshell what I heard was a calm wisdom saying 'isn't it so odd and unnecessary that I would spend so much time, so much anxiety and so much energy generating stress about moving and obsessing over all of these things when they're not ultimately that important and in fact in 1 years time most of these possessions will not even be mine?'  I was taken aback, it seems I was caught off-guard by myself..?

The more I gave myself the mental space to think about it the more clear this odd sentiment became. My epiphany evolved and further revealed itself to give me confidence in my future and to reassure me with certainty that my life would not be grey.  From that day onward I've had the strength and steadiness that comes with unveiling a plan that feels like it fits with the universe and adheres to that elusive sense of "how things should be."

Yes, I know that packing up one's life and departing what-is-known with no real destination or goal in mind is, err, unorthodox and perhaps even risky. Yes, doing such a thing is the very definition of "uncertainty" yet it feels like not only what I must do but the only thing that I can do. 

Which brings me back to the original title of this post: I have the good fortune to know some incredible and inspiring people. I even have the good fortune to call some of these people my friends. Tonight I spent time with an amazing group of people and friends from multiple arenas of my life to celebrate a birthday. Amidst the celebration the special birthday girl, a woman universally loved, esteemed and admired, shared the words you see at the top of this post: 

"Friends remind us of who we truly are (and sometimes we need that)." 

I felt inspired by tonight and redeemed in my love for these amazing people. Just like when I was in Ghana last November, tonight I've been reminded of glimpses of who I really am. It's something I fear I do not acknowledge enough outwardly so here goes:

Friends, I feel truly blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for all that you bring to the world, thank you for the gifts that you share, and thank you for journeying through the unknown with me.  Thank you for reminding me of who I truly am, especially when I need it most. 

Friends I will need you, your support, your love and your continued friendship on this journey that I am about to embark on. Please keep reminding me of who I am and please keep giving me a chance to love you and remind you of who you are.

With love,

~Lauren

p.s. Please  use the "Comments" section below to offer feedback, comments and create a dialogue. I would love to hear from you!



**Special thanks to Heather Brule (Happy Birthday!) & Lanie White. You are both blessings. I'm so glad that you two became friends :D **